I Heart NYC

Goodbye Margot, Hello Orthos

Getting from Eve's apartment to Passaic was an overplanned yet undersuccessful journey. One rolley suitcase, shoulder bag and a 3 foot, 5 inch diameter foam roller and three bus trips equals the following. Plummeting toward the back of the bus as it accelerates. Onlookers stare, but only to see what happens, not with the intent to help if I do a face plant. Several people at different points in time are hit, brushed or generally molested by the foam roller. With others it sparks conversation- one personal trainer and one Port Authority cop who caught me at my most discombobulated. I was expecting "Are you lost?" but instead was approached with mention of "quads" and some muscle that goes by it's acronym nickname. Finally I reached the so-called Spanish Bus to New Jersey. The bus is super friendly and blasting Latin beats. In directing me, my sister explained that the bus would go through a "yucky" Hispanic neighborhood before returning to the highway. I think she must have learned that term during hers many years working in immigration law.

Next on the agenda are shabbat dinner and a fasting holiday that I plan on skipping.

WTF!?!?!

Found on beach in Huntington.

The Citay

Pigeons Do Get Killed

The other day I was walking through Brooklyn with my cousin Marisa when we witnessed a pigeon slowly- but surely- run over by a truck backing into a parking spot. Why didn't it fly away? It was too busy pecking a piece of foil.

Manny and Jessica

Margot and Sam

The Road to NYC

Now that Jessica has met Margot's brother Sam, the Stein quadrilateral is complete. Sam is driving us to Brooklyn- in a car! There Margot will pursue the elusive perfect apartment, while Jessica will stay with her brother-from-another-mother Manny. NYC at last!

Just another day at the beach with Marg and Ellen

We saw a pod of dolphins here today! That's right, apparently "the
frat boys of the sea" also come to Jersey to get their kicks. I think
I saw one of them bullying a kayaker.

I Heart Philly

Reed's Farmers Market

Check out Margot's guns.

Chillin as usual with Margot and Gary

Another great story from Stein family history is being told...hilarity
ensues.

Margate City Hibiscus is All-American

In America, Big Flowers = Pretty

The Great State of Philadelphia and The Shore

The days of 12 hour drives and sore spines are a memory now that we have dipped our toes in the Atlantic at long last. It's cold if you're not from Michigan. We stayed at Margeza's (After 192 hours straight nicknames are unavoidable) parents house for one night before taking off for "The Shore".

Here on the Jersey shore we feel right at home. Following a cue from the locals I now know that it is my cultural responsibility to stand in line right next to the person you are after and to lean your entire torso over a counter while ordering food with the command "gimme a..." Similarily, the torso plays an important role in strutting and flaunting your abs on the beach. There is even special women's swimwear geared toward just torso bearing. What a fascinating, torso-oriented place!

The Stein family beach house we're staying in here is very comfortable. It even has a climbing gym in the den! I've been told that it's actually a jutting stone wall put in circa the early 80's, but I won't let that stop me. We've had plenty of fun conversations already. Topics have ranged from circumcision to guitar riffs to surviving a rip tide. It's easy to see where Margot gets her wit and general brainy impressiveness from. The Steins are a top rate mishpachah.

Remember us? In the car on the way to the state of Philadelphia.

We so fly

Effing huge in Effingham, Indiana

A 198 foot crucifix. That's about the height of a 15 story building.
It's designed to be a beacon of hope for passing cars. I almost drove
off the highway out of astonishment when I saw it.

Ian and one of many many dogs

Michigan!!!

The Bonner kids notice our dirty car

Nick and Trevor take to washing and drying the car by hand. "It's so
shiny," says Nick.

They do great work

Makenzie and her cousin scrape insect matter off the front fender.

Our amazing Kansas Kountry hosts Dan and Sam

This cat just caught a lady bug in his paw. He is filled with remorse.

From the McNaney series

Ann loves her progeny

This mothersucker is so fly

Ann and River

Kansas: The Heartland

Swirling dust balls threaten to turn into tornados in Kansas. M and I
try to figure out a plan of action in case of a tornado emergency.

Margot gets a mysterious call from Kaiser in the middle of Kansas..
The woman can't give me the message b/c of her hippo oaths.

Fear sets in at a gas station.

Sent from my iPhone

This is Ann. She's the chief.

I'm a yogi too.

M & J at Arches

Leffel and Nack

Margot playing the slots

Book Team

Leffel and me together again

My friend Ann is hilarious.

Ann is my friend-- now mother of two sons whose standard answer to "what do you do?" is: "laundry". But she is selling herself short as an amazing person who breezed through Organic Chemistry in college while simultaneously knitting and sewing and being generally productive, and later earning a Masters in Environmental Engineering. Luckily for us, She also has a tongue as sharp as Lara Flynn Boyle's elbows (analogy provided by J.Curts Leffel II). Case in point: loudly commenting on hairy assholes that resemble female genitalia during dinner at a local restaurant. Mouths were agape. Some customers left. I'm glad her children weren't there, though that probably wouldn't have stopped her. She cannot be stopped. Thank you Ann!

Friends in high places

We have spent the last few days living the life in colorado visitng jessica's friends from u of m. Our dinner conversation may or may not have offended the Denver diners at the next table. As the night went on we earned our keep by telling stories of dominatrix new years parties and s&m street fairs. All the animal sex around here has made for some memorable dreams.

Touch my Wiener dog

We learned a lot from Arches National Park. Mainly that your primary hydration fluid should not be iced coffee when hiking through the desert. Personally, I just think we needed more iced coffee. Another lesson had to do with geology and dinosaurs, but only Margot was paying attention. I think there was something about how the dinosaurs slowly nibbled away at the red rocks until they formed these really cool shapes. After Margot's near desert death experience I hiked to see another arch. There were many European tourists there as well. Did you know that some European women wear purple lacey bras, mini skirts and mascara while hiking? It's true. I love exotic cultures.

Now we are at Ann's house in Denver where red foxes walk up and down the sidewalk and all the animals are in heat. Margot and I watched two wiener dogs go at it for what seemed like hours. Squirrels are also doing the nasty. I wish David Attenborough were here to explain it all to us.

Salt lake

Dead bird

Winners

3 gossips

I miss my boyfriend photo

hebee jeebees

Crossed into utah and stopped at the salt lake. We had to walk through a land of bird carcasses and step in steaming hot salt puddles. A trial of faith no doubt. We passed of course. But there was little pay off. What was brig young thinking? Speaking of mormonism we hit temple square and were a bit skeeved out. But they make a mean sandwich. We are now hanging with the moabites and going to see the
sun rise over the arches. What will you be doing?

you have nothing better to do but read our blog

We are crawling away from the Yay Area now. The moon is huge in the Desert sky. It's full so things should be pretty wild in Winnemucca where we are staying tonight.

You must care about all the gritty details of our trip because you know this is the most sublime, astonishing roadtrip of a lifetime that will knock the shit out of your ass. An odyssey of the mind.

Margot drives close to the cars in front of us. Speeding is more my game. See you tomorrow suckers!